Why do so many teenagers run away from home each year?
Every year many teenagers run away from home. This opinion article looks at the main reasons: fear of failure, an abusive home, conflict with parents and the hope of a better life elsewhere.
A difficult age
Life can be hard for many reasons. We do not choose the family we are born into or the circumstances we grow up in. But the choices we make are our own, and they shape who we are.
Teenagers constantly seek the approval of their peers and are often rebellious. Their confidence may be high, but their self-esteem often depends on what others think.
This is the age of transition from childhood to adulthood. Many teenagers feel like running away from reality instead of facing it. The age brings fears and conflicts, which can lead to deep pessimism and, in some, to thoughts of suicide.
Many choose to run away. They may be ignoring reality, crushed by the expectations placed on them, or looking for a better life. The list is not complete, but these are the main reasons.
Fear of failure
Failure can trigger such thoughts. Most of us dread failing at something. Yet success and failure are two sides of the same coin. In Rudyard Kipling's words, we must learn
"To treat these imposters just the same…"
The fear of failure comes from the expectations placed on a young person. Parents may impose this burden without knowing it, and peers often do the same. Losing face in society after a failure is enough to haunt a fragile person.
Everyone copes in their own way. For someone used to failure it is one more setback; for someone used to success it can be a nightmare. What matters is understanding that failure is part of life, and not worth endangering your own life or anyone else's.
An abusive home
Most adults know that life has its ups and downs. Understanding this, and accepting it, can still be hard.
Another major reason teenagers leave home is the lack of a safe and supportive environment. Imagine a home ruled by poverty and violence, by gambling and alcohol, with domestic violence as the result. Can a teenager cope with all of this at once?
We have all heard of fathers who drink and commit the worst kinds of abuse and violence. How long can a young person endure such suffering? By the middle or late teens, many see running away as their only way out.
These young people are escaping their circumstances, and in the author's view there is nothing wrong with that. There is no shame in leaving a miserable situation in the hope of a better future.
Conflict with parents
Conflict between parents and children is another main cause. Most of us have argued with our parents over different views and pride on both sides.
Parents want what they believe is best for their child, and want the child to avoid their own mistakes. Teenagers, on the other hand, are explorers, always searching for a new identity.
The conflict may be as simple as choosing school subjects or as serious as choosing a spouse, which the author says is common in India. Parents often reject their child's choices, believing a teenager cannot decide wisely.
Such conflict can breed hostility and resentment. It pushes young people to leave home so that they can exercise their rights and live by their own rules and principles.
The search for a better life
We usually assume that running away is caused by conflict or poor communication. But many teenagers also leave in search of a better life.
Television and global media put wealth and hope only a few buttons away. Teenagers in very poor regions often dream big. In India, teenagers from the remotest corners of the country flock to cities such as Mumbai to earn a fortune. Mumbai has long fuelled teenage dreams of success in Bollywood, and the film industry has real examples of this, such as Shah Rukh Khan.
Most teenagers who run away for a better life fail. But, the author writes, none has achieved more than India's Prime Minister, Narendra Modi.
According to the author, Modi left home and his family before his teens. His interest in the RSS began early. His family was poor, and he worked at his father's tea stall. He had also been married as a child against his will, which the author sees as a major reason for his decision.
Modi left to follow his dream of becoming an RSS pracharak (full-time organiser) and went on to become Prime Minister. For the author, his story shows both the conflict and the high hopes that drive teenagers away from home today.
The author's conclusion
The author places most of the blame for running away on teenagers themselves. Parents play a large part in creating hostile homes and conflict. But teenagers must learn to adapt, because no one can be treated as a child for ever and growing up is not a choice.
Failure and conflict are part of life, and the key is to recover from them. The most understandable reason to run away is the search for a better life. Successes may be few and failures many, but only those who persevere can seize the day.
Author: Poorv H Sagar